Sunday, July 27, 2008

was listened to some guys' songs
i feel touched by the love songs...mrgreenmrgreenmrgreen
i like sad song,cuz is really sad,feel like wanna cry when listen those 'break up' songs
hehe..
sometimes i ever wonder wat's on guy's mind
really cant figure out wat s on their mind
wat kind of logic thinking they hav
even i read books about guy
it is simple to understand
but when it comes to reality
it is hard,very hard
are all the guys same?
i wanted 2 b a guy long long ago
cuz guys dont need 2 wear skirt & no menstruation
4 me, guys are just simple
they can scold or beat ppl when they 'bo song'
i wanna beat ppl oso...haha
how good if i am a guy
sure got lotsa girls admire me
i am tall(compare 2 girls),cool but sometimes emo,& caring
i understand wat's on girl's mind
i can satisfy girl in easy way
when i started to know about lesbian & gay thingy
i read books & gather a lot of info 2 understand this concept
i had a moment 2 figure whether i am 'normal'/les/bi
i did!
as a result,i really dont like girls
i cannot imagine if i m in love with them & pak tor-ing with them
i know i am not les/bi
girls can only be good friends of mine,but not a 'darling' for me
but i never look down on them
whether is a gay or lesbian
cuz loving someone,v shouldnt care about their age,race,sex & others
there is no reason to love somebody
love is respectful
cuz it s true & pure btwn the 2 persons
tats y i cry when i watched brokeback mountain
it s so touch--i really love that movie
but my mum has hidden it ...i cant find the dvd...haih

love is everything
i know it when i m in love
congratulation 2 my 'old' friend who jz pak tor..haha

i hope i can be a real guy in my next life
2 experience a guy lollollol
& mr yoon will b my gf (& wife) again,haha
-{ i cried for you again at 12:05 PM }-
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- compliment to mr yoon -

Thursday, July 17, 2008

i wonder..
am i tough enough 2 get through these few months
actually i 1 write this post
so tat when u open my blog tat time
u wont c the pic wif my baby
hehehe

u understand y i cant adjust my life now onot?
10 months ago
my life changed
during weekend
mr yoon will call me then v went out for breakfast
then hang out,lunch,movie,dinner,hangout then back home
not only weekend
most of the time he is with me
v only once,5 days(longest ever) nvr c each other
tat s bcuz v were working tat time
quite busy,so the feelings for 5days like (=5months)
& our working hour almost the same
so everyday on the way 2 office & 2 home after work
v will call each other
phone did play an very important role
dunno y,v got so so so many things 2 talk
sometimes raining or i work very late,
he ll come 2 my working place
send me 2 my car,& follow my car back 2 subang,then he goes back
i worked thr for 2 months tat time
now i feel he is incredibly nice

after tat,v normally meet everyday,or 2,3days once
my sis said i m cruel
oways ask him 2 cm here 2 find me from kl 2 subang
but...he miss me mah,i didnt force him oso neutralneutral
normally if v meet,v ll spend the whole day 2gether
after he send me back,i ll call him immediately
until he reach home
dunno whether i m too sticky or he is too enjoying
or vice versa
i only know,i love my life

honestly,he is not a 'talented' romantic person
mr yoon is quite a 'wood' guy
but good 4 him,cuz when he does stg outrageous
u ll feel extremely sweet
especially when v were 'singled'
he almost everynight on9
he said he1 2 'hunt' me
sometimes he ll pass me stg after class
brought me out,without any1 knowing
v went a lot a lot of places
b4 & after this relationship starts

thr was once
the last paper during finals-accounting theory
the night b4 the paper
he stayed alone in library & studied
& i came 2 fetch him during library closed
i came earlier & i waited him at downstair
i didnt call him but he saw me b4 he came down
when he came 2 me,he suddenly give me a kiss on my forehead
i was shocked,cuz he is not tat kind of person
he didnt even dare 2 touch me in public area like college
even i feel shocked,but my face was red & i was touched
tat night he said,''this is probably the last night i stayed in this library''
i know tat kiss wasnt an accident & i know he was terribly sad tat time
tat night was the 2nd most unforgettable night 4 me
the most 1,was on 4th july
the last time he sent me back home
i was crying like hell at the door thr
soundless & hopeless
my heart was so pain
& i really dunno y
it jz suddenly all came out,hardly 2 describe

i think i wrote alot here
sort of like showing off mr yoon
promoting him
but i m not
i m very miss him
i can write a lot a lot
but too many things happened btwn us
it s hard 2 write all here

watever...i miss him
very very very
i want my 'life' back 2 normal
arghhhhh

let me sleep awhile 1stcool
-{ i cried for you again at 8:57 PM }-
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Monday, July 14, 2008


happy ten months to my baby
-{ i cried for you again at 11:59 PM }-
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hmmm
long long time didnt post edi
well....not much 2 post oso
since i pak tor
i hav no time 2 blog
no time 2 online
& now...
not no time 2 blog
is jz tat i dunno wat 2 blogcoolcool

my class has started since 1st of July
i took 3 subjects only cuz i m going for europe study tour next january
2 exempt my other 2 general electives
now is the 3rd week of my semester
well,i didnt find much fun in it
mayb my mood not adjust well
mayb is too boring
mayb my baby is not ard me,i cant study
no no...i can study
but jz,i dun hav da initiatives 2 study
i dun like the weathers nowadays
suddenly everything around me become gray
i just couldnt resist how things have changed me

when my days will be bright again?
how pathetic i am now
i feel sad most of the times
& most of times i m bringing my fake smile
i only feel happy when i skype with my baby
how cruel i am treating myself like tat
god,i need 2 rest
give me time,i will be strong again
-{ i cried for you again at 6:47 PM }-
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- Snow White - Someday My Prince Will Come -

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Some day my prince will come
Some day we'll meet again
And away to his castle we'll go
To be happy forever I know

Some day when spring is here
We'll find our love anew
And the birds will sing
And wedding bells will ring
Some day when my dreams come true

-{ i cried for you again at 10:50 AM }-
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- Pocahontas Music - Farewell -

Saturday, July 05, 2008

-{ i cried for you again at 1:17 PM }-
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yesterday i supposed b wif my PN group only
but my baby came in last minute
even he brought us 2 the curve
thank him for giving us space 2 have girl talks
but b4 tat
v had a great lunch ever at Bubba Gump


cheese bread with delicious prawns


stg like fish & chips but no chips thr,i love the mashed potatoes


do i look sad in this pic?well..somehow i am,but i m still happy to meet these girls

after tat,v had dinner at dragon-i

prawn again :P


& my baby..this is probably the last dinner i had with him before he left
i sound sad & useless recently
but i know i can do it
dont worry thien hoe
i can
-{ i cried for you again at 12:41 PM }-
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Thursday, July 03, 2008

Malaysia politics' shame [click here]
-{ i cried for you again at 8:35 PM }-
0 times you cry?


from malaysiakini.com


I, Balasubramaniam a/l Perumal ... do solemly and sincerely declare as follows:

1. I have been a police officer with the Royal Malaysian Police Force, having joined as a constable in 1981 attached to the police field force. I was then promoted to the rank of lance corporal and finally resigned from the police force in 1998 when I was with the Special Branch.

2. I have been working as a freelance private investigator since I left the police force.

3. Sometime in June or July 2006, I was employed by Abdul Razak Baginda for a period of 10 days to look after him at his office at the Bangunan Getah Asli, Jalan Ampang between the hours of 8am to 5pm each working day as apparently he was experiencing disturbances from a third party.

4. I resigned from this job after 2½ days as I was not receiving any proper instructions.

5. I was however re-employed by Abdul Razak Baginda on the Oct 5, 2006 as he had apparently received a harassing phone call from a Chinese man calling himself ASP Tan who had threatened him to pay his debts. I later found out this gentleman was in fact a private investigator called Ang who was employed by a Mongolian woman called Altantuya Shaaribuu.

6. Abdul Razak Baginda was concerned that a person by the name of Altantuya Shaaribuu, a Mongolian woman, was behind this threat and that she would be arriving in Malaysia very soon to try and contact him.

7. Abdul Razak Baginda informed me that he was concerned by this as he had been advised that Altantuya Shaaribuu had been given some powers by a Mongolian ‘bomoh’ and that he could never look her in the face because of this.

8. When I enquired as to who this Mongolian woman was, Abdul Razak Baginda informed me that she was a friend of his who had been introduced to him by a VIP and who asked him to look after her financially.

9. I advised him to lodge a police report concerning the threatening phone call he had received from the Chinese man known as ASP Tan but he refused to do so as he informed me there were some high-profile people involved.

10. Abdul Razak Baginda further told me that Altantuya Shaaribuu was a great liar and good in convincing people. She was supposed to have been very demanding financially and that he had even financed a property for her in Mongolia.

11. Abdul Razak Baginda then let me listen to some voice messages on his handphone asking him to pay what was due otherwise he would be harmed and his daughter harassed.

12. I was therefore supposed to protect his daughter Rowena as well.

13. On Oct 9, 2006 I received a phone call from Abdul Razak Baginda at about 9.30am informing me that Altantuya was in his office and he wanted me there immediately. As I was in the midst of a surveillance, I sent my assistant Suras to Abdul Razak Baginda’s office and I followed a little later. Suras managed to control the situation and had persuaded Altantuya and her two friends to leave the premises. However Altantuya left a note written on some Hotel Malaya notepaper, in English, asking Abdul Razak Baginda to call her on her handphone (number given) and wrote down her room number as well.

14. Altantuya had introduced herself to Suras as ‘Aminah’ and had informed Suras she was there to see her boyfriend Abdul Razak Baginda.

15. These three Mongolian girls however returned to Abdul Razak Baginda’s office at the Bangunan Getah Asli, Jalan Ampang again, the next day at about 12 noon. They did not enter the building but again informed Suras that they wanted to meet Aminah’s boyfriend, Abdul Razak Baginda.

16. On Oct 11, 2006, Aminah returned to Abdul Razak Baginda’s office on her own and gave me a note to pass to him, which I did. Abdul Razak Baginda showed me the note which basically asked him to call her urgently.

17. I suggested to Abdul Razak Baginda that perhaps it may be wise to arrange for Aminah to be arrested if she harassed him further, but he declined as he felt she would have to return to Mongolia as soon as her cash ran out.

18. In the meantime, I had arranged for Suras to perform surveillance on Hotel Malaya to monitor the movements of these three Mongolian girls, but they recognised him. Apparently they become friends with Suras after that and he ended up spending a few nights in their hotel room.

19. When Abdul Razak Baginda discovered Suras was becoming close to Aminah he asked me to pull him out from Hotel Malaya.

20. On the Oct 14, 2006, Aminah turned up at Abdul Razak Baginda’s house in Damansara Heights when I was not there. Abdul Razak Baginda called me on my handphone to inform me of this so I rushed back to his house. As I arrived, I noticed Aminah outside the front gates shouting “Razak, bastard, come out from the house”. I tried to calm her down but couldn’t, so I called the police who arrived in two patrol cars. I explained the situation to the police, who took her away to the Brickfields police station.

21. I followed the patrol cars to Brickfields police station in a taxi. I called Abdul Razak Baginda and his lawyer Dirren to lodge a police report but they refused.

22. When I was at the Brickfields police station, Aminah’s own private investigator, one Mr Ang arrived and we had a discussion. I was told to deliver a demand to Abdul Razak Baginda for US$500,000 and three tickets to Mongolia, apparently as commission owed to Aminah from a deal in Paris.

23. As Aminah had calmed down at this stage, a policewoman at the Brickfields police station advised me to leave and settle the matter amicably.

24. I duly informed Abdul Razak Baginda of the demands Aminah had made and told him I was disappointed that no one wanted to back me up in lodging a police report. We had a long discussion about the situation when I expressed a desire to pull out of this assignment.

25. During this discussion and in an attempt to persuade me to continue my employment with him, Abdul Razak Baginda informed me that:

1) He had been introduced to Aminah by Najib Razak at a diamond exhibition in Singapore.

2) Najib Razak informed Abdul Razak Baginda that he had a sexual relationship with Aminah and that she was susceptible to anal intercourse.

3) Najib Razak wanted Abdul Razak Baginda to look after Aminah as he did not want her to harass him since he was now the deputy prime minister.

4) Najib Razak, Abdul Razak Baginda and Aminah had all been together at a dinner in Paris.

5) Aminah wanted money from him as she felt she was entitled to a US$500,000 commission on a submarine deal she assisted with in Paris.

26. On Oct 19, 2006, I arrived at Abdul Razak Baginda’s house in Damansara Heights to begin my night duty. I had parked my car outside as usual. I saw a yellow Proton Perdana taxi pass by with three ladies inside, one of whom was Aminah. The taxi did a U-turn and stopped in front of the house where these ladies rolled down the window and wished me ‘Happy Deepavali’. The taxi then left.

27. About 20 minutes later the taxi returned with only Aminah in it. She got out of the taxi and walked towards me and started talking to me. I sent an SMS to Abdul Razak Baginda informing him “Aminah was here”. I received an SMS from Razak instructing me “to delay her until my man comes”.

28. Whist I was talking to Aminah, she informed me of the following:

1) That she met Abdul Razak Baginda in Singapore with Najib Razak.
2) That she had also met Abdul Razak Baginda and Najib Razak at a dinner in Paris.

3) That she was promised a sum of US$500,000.00 as commission for assisting in a submarine deal in Paris.

4) That Abdul Razak Baginda had bought her a house in Mongolia but her brother had refinanced it and she needed money to redeem it.

5) That her mother was ill and she needed money to pay for her treatment.

6) That Abdul Razak Baginda had married her in Korea as her mother is Korean whilst her father was a Mongolian/Chinese mix.

7) That if I wouldn’t allow her to see Abdul Razak Baginda, would I be able to arrange for her to see Najib Razak.

29. After talking to Aminah for about 15 minutes, a red Proton Aeroback arrived with a woman and two men. I now know the woman to be lance corporal Rohaniza and the men, Azilah Hadri and Sirul Azahar. They were all in plainclothes. Azilah walked towards me while the other two stayed in the car.

30. Azilah asked me whether the woman was Aminah and I said “Yes”. He then walked off and made a few calls on his handphone. After 10 minutes another vehicle, a blue Proton Saga, driven by a Malay man, passed by slowly. The drivers window had been wound down and the driver was looking at us.

31. Azilah then informed me they would be taking Aminah away. I informed Aminah they were arresting her. The other two persons then got out of the red Proton and exchanged seats so that lance corporal Rohaniza and Aminah were in the back while the two men were in the front. They drove off and that is the last I ever saw of Aminah.

32. Abdul Razak Baginda was not at home when all this occurred.

33. After Oct 19, 2006, I continued to work for Abdul Razak Baginda at his house in Damansara Heights from 7pm to 8am the next morning, as he had been receiving threatening text messages from a woman called ‘Amy’ who was apparently ‘Aminah’s’ cousin in Mongolia.

34. On the night of Oct 20, 2006, both of Aminah’s girlfriends turned up at Abdul Razak Baginda’s house enquiring where Aminah was. I informed them she had been arrested the night before.

35. A couple of nights later, these two Mongolian girls, Mr Ang and another Mongolian girl called ‘Amy’ turned up at Abdul Razak Baginda’s house looking for Aminah as they appeared to be convinced she was being held in the house.

36. A commotion began so I called the police who arrived shortly thereafter in a patrol car. Another patrol car arrived a short while later in which was the investigating officer from the Dang Wangi police station who was in charge of the missing persons report lodged by one of the Mongolians girls, I believe was Amy.

37. I called Abdul Razak Baginda who was at home to inform him of the events taking place at his front gate. He then called DSP Musa Safri and called me back informing me that Musa Safri would be calling handphone and I was to pass the phone to the inspector from Dang Wangi police station.

38. I then received a call on my handphone from Musa Safri and duly handed the phone to the Dang Wangi inspector. The conversation lasted 3-4 minutes after which he told the girls to disperse and to go to see him the next day.

39. On or about Oct 24, 2006, Abdul Razak Baginda instructed me to accompany him to the Brickfields police station as he had been advised to lodge a police report about the harassment he was receiving from these Mongolian girls.

40. Before this, Amy had sent me an SMS informing me she was going to Thailand to lodge a report with the Mongolian consulate there regarding Aminah’s disappearance. Apparently she had sent the same SMS to Abdul Razak Baginda. This is why he told me he had been advised to lodge a police report.

41. Abdul Razak Baginda informed me that DPS Musa Safri had introduced him to one DSP Idris, the head of the criminal division, Brickfields police station, and that Idris had referred him to ASP Tonny.

42. When Abdul Razak Baginda had lodged his police report at Brickfields police station, in front of ASP Tonny, he was asked to make a statement but he refused as he said he was leaving for overseas. He did however promise to prepare a statement and hand ASP Tonny a thumbdrive. I know that this was not done as ASP Tonny told me.

43. However ASP Tonny asked me the next day to provide my statement instead and so I did.

44. I stopped working for Abdul Razak Baginda on Oct 26, 2006 as this was the day he left for Hong Kong on his own.

45. In mid-November 2006, I received a phone call from ASP Tonny from the IPK Jalan Hang Tuah asking me to see him regarding Aminah’s case. When I arrived there I was immediately arrested under Section 506 of the Penal Code for criminal intimidation.

46. I was then placed in the lock up and remanded for five days. On the third day, I was released on police bail.

47. At the end of November 2006, the D9 department of the IPK sent a detective to my house to escort me to the IPK Jalan Hang Tuah. When I arrived, I was told I was being arrested under Section 302 of the Penal Code for murder. I was put in the lock up and remanded for seven days.

48. I was transported to Bukit Aman where I was interrogated and questioned about an SMS I had received from Abdul Razak Baginda on Oct 19, 2006 which read “delay her until my man arrives”. They had apparently retrieved this message from Abdul Razak Baginda’s handphone.

49. They then proceeded to record my statement from 8.30 am to 6pm everyday for seven consecutive days. I told them all I knew including everything Abdul Razak Baginda and Aminah had told me about their relationships with Najib Razak but when I came to sign my statement, these details had been left out.

50. I have given evidence in the trial of Azilah, Sirul and Abdul Razak Baginda at the Shah Alam High Court. The prosecutor did not ask me any questions in respect of Aminah’s relationship with Najib Razak or of the phone call I received from DSP Musa Safri, whom I believe was the ADC for Najib Razak and/or his wife.

51. On the day Abdul Razak Baginda was arrested, I was with him at his lawyers office at 6.30am. Abdul Razak Baginda informed us that he had sent Najib Razak an SMS the evening before as he refused to believe he was to be arrested, but had not received a response.

52. Shortly thereafter, at about 7.30am, Abdul Razak Baginda received an SMS from Najib Razak and showed, this message to both myself and his lawyer. This message read as follows: “ I am seeing IGP at 11am today … matter will be solved … be cool”.

53. I have been made to understand that Abdul Razak Baginda was arrested the same morning at his office in the Bangunan Getah Asli, Jalan Ampang.

54. The purpose of this Statutory declaration is to:

1) State my disappointment at the standard of investigations conducted by the authorities into the circumstances surrounding the murder of Altantuya Shaaribuu.

2) Bring to the notice of the relevant authorities the strong possibility that there are individuals other than the three accused who must have played a role in the murder of Altantuya Shaaribuu.

3) Persuade the relevant authorities to reopen their investigations into this case immediately so that any fresh evidence may be presented to the court prior to submissions at the end of the prosecutions case.

4) Emphasise the fact that having been a member of the Royal Malaysian Police Force for 17 years, I am absolutely certain no police officer would shoot someone in the head and blow up their body without receiving specific instructions from their superiors first.

5) Express my concern that should the defence not be called in the said murder trial, the accused, Azilah and Sirul will not have to swear on oath and testify as to the instructions they received and from whom they were given.

55. And I make this solemn declaration conscientiously believing the same be true and by virtue of the provisions of the Statutory Declaration Act 1960.

Balasubramaniam a/l Perumal
July 1, 2008
-{ i cried for you again at 8:31 PM }-
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